


Wrong Choices & Missed Chances (C&C = O)

by heartykeykeke



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Circles - Freeform, Confessions, Depression, Drama, Exes, Forever and a Day, Friendship, Kang Daniel's Night, Lauv's Bracelet, M/M, Misunderstandings, Moving On, Nostalgia, Reminiscing, Restarting, Romance, Rooftops, Rumors, Summer, break-ups, letting go, light amount of fluff, romantic mood, scenery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:07:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26248432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartykeykeke/pseuds/heartykeykeke
Summary: Circles are my favorite shape. They have no end, no beginning, they don’t stop, they merely continue on. They are an infinite cycle, every part connected. Just like summer. Warm in the beginning, hottest in the middle, cool towards the end as it fades into fall. Like we were. We weren't forever, but we were at least beautiful.Even though we have to be apart, I’m always thinking of you. Hyung. I know it’s wrong, but I just wanna be with you. Seongwoo hyung.
Relationships: Kang Daniel & Ong Seongwu, Kang Daniel/Ong Seongwu
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Songs to listen to:
> 
> Bracelet by Lauv:  
> Fuck, I'm lonely by Lauv:  
> Night by Kang Daniel  
> Never Not by Lauv
> 
> I'm sorry for this in advance HAHA. Do have tissues. Especially if you also listen to these break-up songs.
> 
> I might continue this with another chapter to heal your broken hearts if something good happens in the future, so for now it's an angsty but open ending! I just really needed to get this out. In the past, I had a similar idea for a Bracelet related angst au and then Night mv happened which made me recall Beautiful and think of Ong and I felt I really just have to write out my ideas and thoughts, including what Daniel said about summer, about what he recalls while listening to the song, and about the two circles in Magenta album cover which was my own thoughts. 
> 
> I put all those ideas together on a file, started randomly brainstormed and then came up with this plot the other day and just had to write it (it's beautiful but tragic? Like it hurts, but I hope it's a pretty, cleansing sort of pain?). Even if it hits so close to home. Characters are OCs though, not the same situation either! It's just fiction so don't take any of these events literally, not saying this is my idea of what happened to them, just sheer angsty 'what if it was like this' fun stuff. Well, it probably wasn't fun but I know some people go crazy for angst and like the pain, so maybe for them? haha.

“Thanks for making time for boring, old nobody me.” Seongwoo greeted Daniel with a cutely awkward wave as he rushed over from the entrance.

“Eh, it’s no problem, hyung. I can always make time for you. You’re special. Always have been.”

“Hmm. But not the only special one in your life, it seems.”

Seongwoo’s bitter response and faint, sadness tinged smile made Daniel stop in his tracks as he went to sit down on the other side of the sofa. The atmosphere of the rooftop restaurant was killer, the most romantic imaginable. The lantern and candlelight strewn about the tables and deck randomly casting an eerie, reddish glow and distant lights of the city buildings in the background being the only lighting source, a few sofas and mini tables made of dark wood set far apart to provide their users a private, intimate moment together without worry of others eavesdropping, the empty wine bottles lining the rustic metal railing, opaque emerald and amber glass shimmering – the ambiance created an incredibly pleasant, soothing mood.

It was the perfect place to come with your lover or close friend towards the end of summer, when the weather was starting to cool down and it wasn’t so muggy which made the sky mosquito infested. It was a place to relax with some snacks and drinks, enjoy the view, have some conversation, feel the chilly breeze and inhale the fresh air high above the noise and other pollutants that infested the city. It was like some sort of place manifested from a picture book.

They’d come to this fantasy store that rested on a hill in Yongsan that’s menu and vibes were a mix of a restaurant and pub. It had amazing bird-eye views of all the buildings in Seoul, breathtakingly beautiful scenery whatever place you were seated be it inside or on the rooftop. It had been their secret place to hang out since 2015. They hadn’t only come in summer, of course, but it usually somehow ended up being the only times that they had enough freedom in their schedules and the energy with their busy lives to do so.

This magical place seemed to draw them there without fail every year, possibly because they had a soft spot in their hearts for it because it reminded them of Gapyeong, where they’d originally gotten close during the long drive, coming back to Seoul as best friends though they’d left there as awkward trainees who were practically strangers ordered to ‘get to know each other’, intimidated by their outer appearances for different reasons.

The besties who spent two years training in the dungeons of an entertainment company together didn’t even recommend or mention it often by name because they wanted it to remain not so well known. They were possessive and protective about ‘their spot’. That way they could enjoy the ambience, listen to the r&b music, share insightful conversations on the cozy, scenic rooftop area in private. If it became well-known, it would soon become crowded with bloggers and those that wanted ‘proof shots’ of trendy places to show off on their SNS, then it would be an issue.

Because Daniel was a singer debuting in November 2018 with the hit song Touchin’, becoming more and more popular every comeback with other hits like 2U, Jealous, Who U Are, Flash, and Movie, one of the biggest, most talented, most creative, most anticipated and beloved soloists in the country with a large, dedicated, constantly growing fandom since his trainee days. Nowadays couldn’t go anywhere freely without his manager, a celebrity van none could see inside of, bucket hat, and mask.

Seongwoo was happy for his successful, popular friend and Daniel was proud of himself for all that he’d achieved related to his big picture dreams in less than two years, yet it was also bittersweet. Since the sudden, unexpected rise to fame from that year had caused one to lose and another to relinquish something that had been important and precious more than anything, or seemed so at one point. Their romantic relationship.

Seongwoo and Daniel had been close friends from when they were trainees in 2015. In 2018, an eventful time, they’d started dating after confessing in this very spot, Daniel had received official debut plans while Seongwoo was one of the many trainees that decided stardom wasn’t for him and applied to college instead. In 2019, massive amounts of drama had happened which left them permanently changed and their relationship in tatters.

That year, they’d barely been able to become official lovers yet they couldn’t meet frequently. The company didn’t want him going out of his home or the studio much in case of sightings and rumors but another part of it was that Daniel respected Seongwoo’s wish to have his life remain private as the invasion of his privacy and peace of mind was the biggest reason he’d decided to give up on being a singer. Unlike their years as friends and crushing on each other, their one year as lovers had been full of distance, miscommunications, and hardships, mostly talking through technology or sneaking around. At the height of summer in 2019, the conflict of passionate flames and the downsides of the price of fame reached their hottest in a crash like the dramatic climax of a movie and poof, their relationship was gone, only scattered, cindering ashes remaining.

Which was why Seongwoo was avoiding Daniel’s excited turned guilt-ridden gaze and wearing a painful, bittersweet smile and Daniel had become speechless, frozen in the middle of sitting down. The singer’s heart was pounding and his panicked mind in a whirl. He felt like he were about to be sitting on a bed of poky egg shells instead of a plush cushioned sofa. He didn’t dare open his mouth until he figured out a way to handle this situation delicately, turning it in a positive or at least less painful, potentially conflict-inducing note.

He’d learned from the past few months of reaching out to the scarred, sarcastic, scorned friend/ex-boyfriend of his that he was clumsy at dealing with these delicate situations because he lacked communication skills. He didn’t know how to say the right thing when a dire situation popped up. Which is why the air still wasn’t clear.

_I should have known that the world ‘special’ would trigger him, dammit. What are you doing, dummy? This is supposed to be the day that you finally reconcile and get your best friend back. He’s just started being open to the idea. You miss him so much and always are thinking of him that you unconsciously act and dress like him. Why are you messing things up in the first minute like you don’t know him?_

“Hyung…It’s different, but not to be compared. Special is special. You’re my special friend.”

Seongwoo winced. “Back in the friend zone. Well, guess I have no choice there. Since you’re taken by the Sugar Princess and all.”

Daniel plopped down and covered his face with one hand, cursing at himself. Why’d he say the ‘friend’ word? It was true that they were sort of friends at the moment, but it was still triggering. Because Seongwoo had always hated to hear that, back when he’d liked Daniel but been ‘friend-zoned’. Though to be fair, Daniel had thought he was completely straight and unavailable back then. It turned out that he was just bad at expressing his feelings because he was shy, so he tended to act more like he wasn’t affected by flirting or intimacy that Daniel initiated, only panicking internally or fanboying when he was alone like a lovesick teenager.

It had taken forever for Daniel to get the subtle hints his friend left that he thought of him as more. Actually, his detest for the word friend was what had sparked their confession that summer in 2018 that led to their relationship starting in the first place. With his one misspoken word, he’d added to the pile of wrong choices he’d made in the last couple of years, bringing back a rush of sweetly stinging memories from their long history of meetings.

“Sorry, hyung. Just…should I not talk?”

Seongwoo chuckled, a genuine amused, happier, breezy sort of smile decorating his gorgeous face. “Maybe not. We’re here because I told you that I have something to say, after all. Why don’t you just listen?”

“Alright. Oh, you remembered.”

Daniel was pleasantly surprised to see the cold beverage being pressed on his leg was his favorite beer, Tsingtao. Well, it had become their favorite beer because like many other things Seongwoo had ended up copying his tastes.

That was one of the beautiful things about couples and best friends, especially in the case of being both. The more time that they spent together, the more they became similar and unconsciously started to sync their motions and habits. Some people said back then when they were barely-known trainees with a small group of company-dedicated teenage fangirls that would follow them around here and there that in certain photos they had difficulty telling the difference.

Which was ironic considering how vastly different their features were. Seongwoo had big eyes and a thin mouth and a square chin. Daniel had small, angular eyes, plump lips, and a pointy chin. It didn’t make sense, but things related to the heart sometimes just didn’t. Like the fact that it was 2020, they hadn’t been in the same place even for over a year, and this was still happening.

“How could I forget? I’m not a grandpa, Niel-ah.”

Seongwoo chuckled, clinking the green necks of the bottles together for taking a swig of his own Tsingtao and directing his nostalgic, gloomy gaze towards the railing with the light blue shimmering Namsan tower poking up the highest in the twilit, indigo skyline. Daniel smiled around the top of the beer bottle as he also slipped, his heart doing a flip at the affectionate nickname that slipped out so naturally.

Seongwoo drummed his fingers on the bottle as he stared at the twinkling buildings a couple meters in front of them.

“I wanted to formally apologize face-to-face for my distance and attitude with you since last year. I know that you were being civil by trying to reach out for months to explain and make amends because I’m important to you in some way.

I’ve never been against the idea of exes becoming friends, especially if they were friends first and the break-up was mutual. I really thought it was possible. Until it happened to me. The articles that came out. You, who only kept on crying. The rumors that followed which made you seem guilty and the article true. It made everything that I remembered and felt so toxic, so ugly.

At that time, I couldn’t even stand to see your face, let alone ask you if any of that was true or hear you out with full trust and an open mind. I merely assumed the worst of you and voluntarily sank myself into bitterness, ostracizing myself from literally everything and everyone that reminded me of you because I got so angry and sad that I couldn’t function. I couldn’t even stand to look at our family’s dog without remembering you because ‘Niel-moyed’ was your nickname since the dark ages.

So, I just want to say, with sincerity. I’m sorry for my inability to be mature and control my emotions this past year. I’m sorry I refused to give you a chance to explain or apologize or show that you were worried about me going off the radar. I promise I wasn’t gone so far in the swamp that I contemplated suicide. I’m sorry about that too, that I made you panicked and guilty thinking I’d done something because I was out of reach for so long. I mostly just locked up in my dorm room after classes, just sat in the dark. Being alone somehow was comforting. I needed the time to self-reflect and deal with my chaotic, uncontrollable emotions, wrestle and interpret them one-on-one.

It’s taken a long time, but I’m better now. At least I am alright enough with what happened to text you and meet you. It’s been awhile, huh? Long time no see, friend.”

“Yeah, besides photos, I haven’t seen you in over a year. I’m glad that you’re back.”

“Why does it feel like it’s been ten years I wonder?”

“Right, time drags on when you’re going through hard times but time flies when you are enjoying yourself. Ironic.”

“Ain’t that the messed up truth? Sometimes I hate being human. Much rather be a dog when I’m reincarnated.”

“I’d much rather be a cat. They get to sleep all day long and no-one nags them to go to work or eat something.”

“Well, that is one thing that hasn’t changed about you. Unlike your clothing and hair-color preferences? All black, seriously? And a hoodie? In this sweltering weather?”

Daniel shrugged, turning shy and scratching at his ear while an amused, smiling Seongwoo scrutinized his appearance.

“Haven’t I always been like this? I get colds because of the AC.”

Seongwoo snorted. “No, you don’t! You used to complain about the humidity and wear t-shirts half of the year, almost every day in the summer seasons. You would camp under the AC in the studio after five minutes of dancing. As soon as it got the least bit warm, you’d whip out the t-shirts and complain like a whiney baby. You didn’t even wear much black because it absorbs the heat. That was my thing. You always wore white.”

“Like you’re wearing now?” Daniel countered with a playful smirk, gesturing to his chest. It was not only more filled out, his biceps were also bulging, revealed clearly from the folded-up sleeves of his white t-shirt. “I thought you were allergic to the sun, hyung? You sure acted like that the way you had a personal grudge against the idea of skin exposure. It seems I’m not the only one who had their tastes change?”

Seongwoo didn’t comment on it, but the realization was astounding. This summer he’d been wearing an odd amount of t-shirts and they were all pastel or white colored, come to think of it. He couldn’t even recall the last time that he’d worn black, which in the past had been his nearly daily wardrobe. He wondered when he’d started wanting to change his style. When had he been drawn to Daniel’s usual bright, simple, less conservative style? When had he become comfortable showing his skin? And since when exactly had Daniel started wearing all black and hoodies, covering up like a nun, like his old signature style?

He shook his head, deciding it was a useless path to go down because it had no reachable answer.

“Ah, whatever. We’re adults. We can change our style. Wear whatever we want.”

“Here, here. Yay to adulthood~” Daniel cheered with a dorky chuckle, gazing at his hyung with familiar fondness in his sparkly milk-chocolate covered almond eyes.

Seongwoo couldn’t help but smile and look back adoringly in return. It was ridiculously nice having a face-to-face chat over beer with his best friend again. He’d forgotten just how well their personalities and gag codes matched, how friendly and good with reactions Daniel was, how comfortable and himself he felt around the other. He’d always been like Seongwoo’s personal cheerleader and audience, hyping him up as he rambled or joked, making Seongwoo want to talk and goof around even more. Whereas most people in his life had the tendency to seem bored or tired of his mouthiness. 

Daniel had become his best friend within a mere week of becoming acquainted, quickly surpassing the ranks of everyone else in his life. He’d enjoyed time with Daniel so much that he only ever wanted to spend time with him and made Daniel his number one priority. Which had gradually changed to feelings which became attraction. He sensed that if he stayed around him like this much longer, then those faded, dormant things were at risk of coming back. Which would be dangerous.

This time around, they couldn’t get too close even as friends, Daniel couldn’t become his priority because his priority was himself. They could be friends, but they couldn’t have any romantic relationship ever again.

Because Daniel had betrayed him. Daniel had left him for someone else. Supposedly, Daniel had been cheating on him even. Even if Daniel was single which he supposedly wasn’t, Seongwoo didn’t dare give a cheater his heart again. Even being friends was a risk that he’d been afraid of considering for the longest time which made him hesitant to reach out. He wasn’t sure it was possible to be friends like they were before, but as he sat there chatting and the atmosphere was so warm and relaxing and natural despite all that happened and all the time apart which should have made them awkward strangers, he realized that it was certainly possible.

It had only taken them one short trip to Gapyeong to go from strangers to friends. And it was only taking them a couple days talking by text and one hour in their old spot to nearly return to those days. As long as he didn’t think of the dreadful August of 2019, then the warm, comforting vibes were the same as back during their drives where they’d gotten exceptionally close.

They spent another two hours there, snacking on vegetable chips and seasoned crackers and dried fruit while nursing a couple of beers. They stayed on safe topics, their fonder, happier memories, mainly those of their trainee and pure friend days between 2015 and 2018. The nostalgic trip down memory lane and the cool, salty liquid traveling down their throats made them fuzzy and warm in the most pleasant, relaxing way. Although they occasionally glanced over and smiled goofily at each other for no apparent reason, the buzzed adults mostly appreciated the flickering lights of the city and the candles surrounding them.

Unfortunately, Seongwoo had called him out here with a specific purpose to go along with his apology, so he couldn’t allow those feel good vibes to drag on forever. It had to be now or never. The place was approaching closing hours, Daniel surely had a ton of schedules related to his next come back tomorrow while he had a final in the afternoon he still hadn’t studied for because he was agonizing over what he wanted to say to his ex.

Last night, he’d written out several drafts of plans so that he didn’t make a fool of himself and that he’d get out everything that he’d been bottling up and planning to say someday in person to his ex/best friend that would always have a chunk of his broken heart because he’d been that important and huge for a large period of his short life.

Daniel turned curiously when he heard the clunk of something on wood, noticing Seognwoo’s pale hand move towards the small table in front of them. He’d set something familiar on top. A white bracelet that had a speck of black with a black bracelet with a speck of white resting on top, forming some shape like an eclipse, two intertwined circles that almost matched.

“Why’d you bring those? What do you mean to do, hyung?” Daniel instantly choked up, eyes stinging with tears he fought from falling.

The second he saw those bracelets which had significant meaning in many summer incidents in their lives, he felt like he’d been struck by an arrow and then drowned in a large wave of misery. Although he’d promised that he wouldn’t cry today. The thing that he’d dreaded and hoped would never happen was here, he could just feel it. He thought that he’d have more time before Seongwoo would wrap up the loose, torn ends of their relationship, at least a year more. Was their love something that could be cleared up and boxed away in just a year?

“I wasn’t able to do it before, but this year I want to wish you the best and support your relationship. As your friend. As a friend should. I don’t want to play the bitter, vengeful ex that wishes you’d be miserable and regret leaving me anymore. It makes me feel like such a shitty person. I hope that you and her get along, don’t fight often, and stay together a long time.

Because the road celebrities take is long, arduous, tiring. You need to have someone there by you to support and comfort you when you have a hard time dealing with it. Because you don’t have members or family in Seoul to help you. You’re on your own with all these burdens and pressure more than many other celebrities are.

I’m glad that you at least surely have someone there by you during hard times, though before I really hated that it couldn’t be me curing your self-doubts and defending you from haters. But, that’s my fault as well. Because I should have been there for you then. I could have been, if I hadn’t been sunk in my own bitterness. First and foremost, I was your friend, for more years than we were dating. I missed my chance to prove that I was your rock, even if something happened.

I put my own pain first, so I don’t think I even deserve to be your friend. But I want to make up for that from this month onwards. I have another person that I like. So, you don’t have to worry. I won’t fall for you and cling to you. I won’t come between you and your girlfriend. There’s nothing to worry about. I’m going to put an end to those lingering feelings for good, over time. I’m going to move on and work on fostering these new feelings I have for my crush.

Which is why I need to get rid of these. You can have these back, along with my special feelings. And after that, we will officially say we are best friends again and work on putting that last year of misery and awkwardness behind us.

That’s what I want and need to say to you. I’m sorry that I’ve left you in vertigo for so long. I’ve always been slow and cowardly like that. Always sentimental, too emotional, which you’d make fun of me for and then bark at others and defend it as my best quality if anyone else did. How ironic, I still laugh when I hear someone say ‘you’re so sentimental’ to this day.

We truly have too many memories, Niel-ah. It’s impossible to forget so many days of so many years that we’ve spent together. So, I’d rather stop attempting the impossible because it’s been exhausting, and just be friends again, adding to those good memories until the bad ones are faded to specks of dust. What do you say?”

Daniel didn’t take the bracelets form the table. He didn’t even move his arm. He couldn’t physically move a muscle. He was pressed down with too much sadness and dread as those thoughts he’d been telling himself were from paranoid delusion came back to haunt and slap him like a broken windmill.

He’d suspected for awhile, truthfully, that Seongwoo was seeing someone, another student in his university. A pretty little wispy fairy of a girl with a doll face and short hair and super fair skin. She was adorable and gorgeous and a bit quirky, sentimental, and artistic like Seongwoo himself was.

Since he’d had a lot of free time after being forced to break up with Seongwoo in order to protect exposure of their relationship, he’d taken to distracting himself with stalking him and his friends on SNS, anything to get a sense of what Seongwoo was up to, to see the person that he loved and missed terribly to the point that every day was hard to breath even.

Although the world (including Seongwoo surely) thought he was busy in his free time happily dating some trainee from another company. In actuality, that company CEO had used a photo of him and Seongwoo kissing as leverage, blackmailing him. The best solution that his company could come up with then was to use a trainee from that company that could use the exposure to boost their upcoming idol group’s popularity. She was used as a cover up and Daniel and his happiness as a sacrifice in order to ensure that Seongwoo wasn’t all over the news.

Daniel was also honestly terrified of the lashing from the public if they knew he was gay. But mostly he was worried for Seongwoo. He’d just given up his dream and was chasing another one. He didn’t need the stress and his privacy invaded like that. He would be miserable and have a hard time focusing and who knew he might even get stalkers and death threats.

Although he had to break his heart, at least Seongwoo would be safe. He decided to take the hit, figuring that he could explain things and break up the fake relationship officially after a couple of months, then things would be all clear. He hadn’t intended to lose Seongwoo for good. It was the fault of all those baseless rumors saying they spotted him with that girl here and there at this time, that time, making up fictional stories that completely slandered him and hurt Seongwoo so terribly that he wouldn’t give Daniel a moment of his time to explain, blocking his number, disappearing from SNS after deleting all of his posts and turning his DP to black, and even moving away from his apartment.

Daniel had said that week that something was going to be coming out in the news about him that they needed to have a talk about, but it came out earlier than he’d been told and Seongwoo had disappeared before he’d had a chance to talk about it. By the time that he’d gotten a way to talk to Seongwoo again, it was too late. Seongwoo was convinced that he was cheating on him for months and didn’t even love him enough to break up with him himself.

Daniel was torn up with guilt, so he’d let him be, not wanting to make him more miserable. How hard it must have been for him to learn his boyfriend was in a relationship with someone through the news and then hear all these rumors that suggested the relationship was not only real but been around for awhile, even that they’d met on certain days that Daniel had said he was too busy to meet with Seongwoo which was a really unfortunate coincidence. The fabricated evidence was so solid against him like a brick wall that he had no hope of convincing Seongwoo that it wasn’t true.

He wanted Seongwoo to see that he wasn’t a liar but he still didn’t know how to get him to see when they were still awkward and scarred. He’d hoped that first they could be friends and then whenever the company approved the break up news, then he’d go straight to Seongwoo and tie him down if he had to until he convinced him to believe the truth about everything. He’d hoped that they could fight through their issues and get back together. Someday in the future.

So, whenever he saw that there were subtle connections that suggested Seongwoo and that girl were meeting frequently, he told himself not to think much of it, that they were just friends, that Seongwoo still loved him surely. Just like circles were connected and had no beginning or end clearly, he and Seongwoo were deeply connected. They would naturally get back together because they were fated to be together.

He still had all of these feelings. He still thought of him and wanted to be with him all the time. Surely, his other half who was so similar to him and shared a long history and had loved him even more intensely it seemed wouldn’t’ be moving on in just a year, surely he’d still have strong lingering feelings that would quickly ignite once more as long as they spent time together. He was convinced that Seongwooo couldn’t love someone more than him, that he couldn’t fall out of love with him easily, that he was only meant for him, and that all he had to do was wait until he could explain why he’d had to do that and how he was misunderstanding, then eventually they’d be back on track. Their intertwined circular paths would start over. The two halves of the circle would be together again, become hole and continue traveling the perpendicular paths they were meant to walk along.

The fear that he was feeling now was overwhelming. He was about to permanently lose his chances with the person he’d been planning on winning back, starting tonight. He wanted to shout ‘no, impossible, I don’t approve, you can’t love anyone else, hyung, you don’t know the truth, we’re only supposed to love each other!’ at the top of his lungs but he was paralyzed and struck with a whirlwind of thoughts. A flash of doubt held him back just before he was about to spill his guts.

He’s the best thing for me, but am I really the best thing for him? Things are different now than when we were trainees. I have the exact sort of life that hyung doesn’t want to live, that he wants to avoid. Wouldn’t it be hard for him to date a celebrity again?

Thinking back, he wasn’t all that happy while we were dating after I got more popular and busier. We can’t meet often. We can’t date openly. We have to disguise ourselves and meet in secluded paces or at home, always looking over our shoulders for paparazzi stalkers, anxious about if someone recognizes me. If we get caught again, then chaos will surely occur. Or I might have to do a cover up relationship deal again, damn. That’s going to cause trouble and pain to hyung, no matter if he says he’s okay with it or he understands.

I know the kind of relationship that he really wants, but even though I want to give him the entire world and all of myself, I cannot guarantee it. I don’t like making promises that I can’t keep. Hyung also hates people who can’t keep their word. He doesn’t like to be cooped up, lonely, ignored or put on the backburner compared to other things. He likes to be the number one priority and have a lot of attention and together time in various places.

That’s why we started fighting which we hardly ever had before. Because I can’t give hyung what he wants and needs, not fully. That got hard for him, it made him upset and unhappy. No matter how sweet and loving, the fact is I can’t be there for him much, especially not physically. Plus, he’ll always have to hide around me, always feel in danger of getting caught. If we do, he’ll surely blame himself and get torn up like it’s all his fault. That’s the sort of person hyung is. I love him for being that way but it will also be his destruction, the price of fame and the self-blame.

What if I can’t protect him and make him sink back into depression and he disappears from the face of the Earth again? What if he had to quit and repeat school? What if this time around he does do something stupid? I couldn’t live on knowing that I’d hurt him again…

The price of fame meant that any relationship you had needed to remain in the shadows until you were much older and stable enough to take the hit of revealing it to the fans. However, Seongwoo was a person that was meant to shine, to be proudly shown off. He was so smart, funny, beautiful, talented, and outgoing as well. He deserved better than that. That was the truth.

Daniel in those agonizing ten minutes of silence while staring at the wine bottles that were appearing as fuzzy, colorful outlines since they were covered with rippling water resting on his eyes came to the conclusion of the most difficult decision of his life.

Sometimes true love means you have to let that person go for the sake of their happiness. Sometimes we have to become sacrifices -things we want, things that would make us happiest- to ensure what we want the most. In my case, for hyung to have a happy, easy-going life with all the love and attention he deserves.

It was sad that he missed the chance of getting Seongwoo back by not having this meeting sooner before he’d fallen for another person. However, Daniel was also proud of himself, that he could be this mature and rational, realizing that the best thing for the person he loved was to let him go so he could move on and be happy with another person who had a better chance of providing what he needed.

He’d just let Seongwoo go on thinking that he’d fallen out of love with him and cheated on him with someone else who he was happily dating (though he barely even knew her to this day they’d never had more than five minutes together after that one staged shot with Dispatch). It freaking sucked that he’d missed the chance to be with Seongwoo again and that he was forever going to remain as a cheater in his hyung’s mind, but after awhile, maybe a couple more years he’d be alright because he knew he made the best choice this time around to make up for all his previous wrong choices. And he’d at least have Seongwoo in his life, back as his best friend possibly.

Someday the lingering feelings and the bitterness of the bad times would fade and they’d be close again, closer than ever. They’d be there for each other, thicker than water, spending time at all kinds of important events and occasions that friends had the privilege of doing. When he thought of it, it was great. Friendships lasted longer than relationships, after all. Relationships faded out or were easily broken by misunderstandings and distance but friendships weren’t necessarily as much so. There was more chances for him and Seongwoo to remain connected and an important, precious part of each other’s lives if he stuffed down his feelings and let Seongwoo move on like he seemed to want.

I don’t want him thinking that I’m such a terrible person forever though. Once we’re friends and I’m officially free as far as the public knows, I will at least tell the truth about everything that’s happened. I won’t miss the chance like I did this time. No more, I’m so tired of this terrible timing.

For now, it’s best he thinks that I did terrible things because I was young and foolish so he can move on and not get tangled up with me again, since my lifestyle is bound to make his life a drama fest. We can slowly rebuild our friendship meanwhile. I’ll just focus on that. Make sure not to tempt him by being flirty or touchy-feely. But first, I have enough regrets, so at least let me get my pent-up feelings out in one burst. At least, I want him to know that he’s always been on my mind and always the most special person to me.

There was a song that he’d written for the fall which made him feel lonely and nostalgic. Many nights he was unable to fall asleep in the summer because it was his least busy time and summer had the most memories of Seongwoo. The heat and the past kept him awake.

He’d stopped hating the waves of loneliness though. In a way, it was a replacement for his lost best friend. He pulled it up and got lost in it like a blanket, somehow almost finding it comforting since it made him reflect on his youth. Seongwoo was always there on his mind in those reflections, always bringing him warmth, calm, laughter, and happiness just imagining his face or words.

Summer was Daniel & Ong, summer was Seongwoo since August was his birthday month, summer was the growing passion of their relationship taking off from friendship (July 8, 2018) and the painful crumbling of his heart at the climax of it (August 3, 2019) as well as the cooling off of his lingering feelings as he came to a realization of what loving Seongwoo truly meant he needed to do as a mature adult (August 31, 202). Thus, summer had become his favorite and most dreaded season at the same time.

Summer encompassed their warm, promising beginnings and their chilly, melancholy ending. The cycle that he’d wished would somehow continue forever, along with the delusions and hopes that he’d been fostering since the end occurred, was coming to an abrupt completion. Unless it was in the next life, the two halves of the circle would remain disconnected, becoming parallel arches that didn’t cross.

He’d sing this meaningful song he’d prepared to be his re-confession and their re-start while at the end of the last drawn-out sweet, emotional note, officially wish his longest-lasting love and feelings goodbye. As they floated off on the breeze of the last days of this season that meant so much to him.

“Hyung. Before I accept this and let you move on, can I give you a gift? There’s a song I want you to hear. It’s sort of about us, the good memories.”

Seongwoo seemed hesitant, but eventually nodded and weakly smiled. “Sure. I’ll take that as a birthday gift. You owe me two years’ worth. You missed them both, you bratty puppy.”

Daniel bit his cheek to stop from admitting that he’d actually written him messages and even bought him a cake both times on the 25th of August but had chickened out from sending it to him. He’d celebrated singing, wishing, and eating cake all by himself in the privacy of his own home, falling apart miserably, bawling the entire sleepless night with their favorite songs playing.

Before Daniel started the music, he spoke into his specialized, golden microphone with a soft smile.

“By the way, you don’t remember this hoodie, right? I’ve been wearing all black because it’s my way to celebrate Seongwoo month. This hoodie is one that hyung borrowed me in the winter of 2017. You were worried I would catch a cold because I tried to go out on a snowy day in a t-shirt to buy some ice cream. You lectured my ears off, saying it was the stupidest idea I’ve ever had. I never gave it back.

Whenever I feel lonely, cold, or strangely anxious, I wear it. More so than the fabric or fuzz inside, the thoughts of you that spring up while wearing it bring me comfort, peace, and warmth. Maybe it’s too hard for hyung to remember those times we were together, so I will keep it and take both the bracelets as well. I don’t mind sharing the burdens of the sadder, more painful memories we share. Just like how this place is beautiful both in the day and the night, I think every facet of us is something aesthetic.

This song is for us. Like the end of the summer season, we came to a cooling off, but I’ll never regret any moment. Because we were so beautiful. I will encourage you and it’s okay if you want to forget, but I won’t be anytime soon.”

**Follow the link to watch Daniel serenading Ong on the rooftop, turn on the lyrics is a must!!! Just imagine Ong is there watching him, this is his view~**

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgbPrFO75ns>

Seongwoo remained curled up in the corner of the sofa, watching with his hands covering his mouth which helped hide his flattered smile and also to hold back the flood of emotions rising to the surface.

While listening to the lyrics and observing Daniel’s melancholy yet also warm expression as if he were thinking of fond memories through a filter tinged with sadness, he was dragged reluctantly down memory lane. There were many moments that they shared, so many of them extremely good or intense that it wasn’t easy to erase them from his mind despite a year of attempting. It was his golden rule to immediately busy himself or think of something or watch something unrelated within a minute of Daniel popping up into his head. It was his defense mechanism so that he didn’t sink into the pain and loneliness that had crippled him and caused him to cut himself off of the world for months.

Although even the mention of that name could initiate something like PTSD in him because of their traumatic break-up, he’d still wanted to reconcile and take a couple of baby steps down the path to returning to be friends which is why he’d contacted Daniel first through their old chat he’d never deleted. When he went through their old messages on days where he felt like he was more alright than others, he realized just how much joy, comfort, encouragement, and warmth Daniel had brought to his life. He realized that he missed and needed his friend. Daniel was the most supportive, positive, and cheerful person whenever they texted, giving him attention and long, detailed responses even during his come back promotions, though he must have been so busy that Seongwoo wondered how he’d found the time, assuming that he’d probably put precious sleep to the back burner for him.

Daniel had been a great friend and he was opposite of Seongwoo in the ways that he needed to be more of. He figured his life had become so much gloomier and murkier because for many years Daniel had been brightening it with his radiant spirit. He figured it might be good enough to have Daniel’s friendship (and that warm, energetic light) back if he couldn’t have his heart. He figured that he was healed and come to turns enough to accept that, to put the special romantic feelings in the past in a locked box and rekindle those feelings of pure companionship that came naturally to them which had been the largest base of their relationship.

Because although they’d developed feelings for each other, unlike other relationships based on passion and attraction, the root of their love was in that they were partners who understood and cared for each other on a deeper level. They were friends who did other things, simple as that. After removing the other things, he felt like the friendship would be solidly in-tact and wonderful as ever.

As long as he didn’t crave for more by traveling down memory lane. As long as he didn’t miss those slightly different times when they were a happy couple, when they were intimate and sweet, causing each other to flush and tingle and hearts racing.

What brought alligator tears to his galaxy eyes was unfortunately, he was taken on a journey through those romantic times which made him hurt and also crazy with longing. He wanted his friend as something more again something fierce and that was hard to deal with because he just couldn’t.

He had already decided to move on, and Daniel was already happily with someone else, wasn’t he? The reason that there wasn’t any news about his new relationship was just that they were careful, wasn’t it? There wasn’t any break-up news that he’d come across (to be honest, he used to search it almost every day, hoping for even some baseless prediction or rumor that they weren’t together anymore, though he felt disgusted by himself for wishing for such a thing). So, Daniel still had someone special to him and that wasn’t going to be him ever again. He’d already made his choice. If he’d loved him more, then he would have admitted to it that year. Why was he cruelly doing this now, making him shaken up, making him want someone taken?

**Flashback time**

_July 8, 2018_

It had been awhile since Seongwoo had managed to see Daniel, much too long. That being a week. They tried to find a gap in their schedules twice a week to hand out, be it at their house or their favorite spots. This time around, Seongwoo’s university was on holiday and the studio was getting construction work done, so Daniel didn’t need to practice.

They were relaxing on the rooftop of their all-time favorite secret, fantasy world hangout spot in Yongsan under the sunshine, reading some comics Daniel brought along with him in case they got bored of conversation or ran out of things to talk about (rare to happened, especially Seongwoo could talk for several hours straight about any number of random things).

A playlist of soft, groovy Heize music was playing faintly from downstairs, fitting well with the aesthetic setting of towering pine trees and colorful buildings of the city below. The mood was chill, warm, and for some reason, sort of romantic because they had the rooftop to themselves.

Daniel, who had been blonde back then, had his arm casually slung over Seongwoo, who looked exactly the same past or future, so that he could more easily hold up the mini-fan. The cooling breeze fluttered their hair, some of it tangling blonde and brown like a cookie where their heads were resting against each other. Seongwoo had leaned in to get more comfortable, resulting in their bodies pressed together. It felt more like the way couples loosely embraced at home watching a movie before they were about to make a move. The music and the heat which made them drowsy had a similar effect it seemed.

At some point, their conversation drifted off and they lost interest in the books they were reading, smiling and laughing softly as they fondly scanned each other’s faces as if it was the first time they’d seen so up-close. Somehow, the other seemed prettier and more handsome than any other time, like an awe-inspiring masterpiece.

“Thank you for being by my side. For finding time for me between classes and exams. You are a really good friend.”

Seongwoo winced and scrunched up his nose, shooting Daniel a threatening kitten glare. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Daniel asked innocently, not sure what he’d done wrong.

“Call me that. I hate it.”

“Isn’t it the truth? Why would you hate it? Am I that awful? Do I stink?”

Seongwoo chewed on his lip, then looked at Daniel straight in the eye with a serious expression, his ears starting to flame because he was about to confess.

“Because…I don’t want to be friend-zoned anymore.”

“Ah…Well, if you don’t want it, then we’ve got to fix it. Anything hyung wants is my duty to take care of. What would you like to be?”

“You probably know. I’ve been hinting for awhile. Do I have to say it out loud? I thought that would be enough to get you to understand, ugh. This dense Niel-moyed…” Seongwoo flushed, looking down and poking at his chest shyly.

Daniel observed his whiney friend with a crooked, affectionate smile, thinking the other was super cute and kissable today that he might really not be able to resist this time around.

“What is it? Why are you getting bashful? Do you mean you like me like me or something?” he teased, though he would be surprised and stoked if that were to be true because he’d wanted that off and on for all these years they’d been friends. He just curbed or hid his feelings because he thought Seongwoo only wanted friendship with him, that he was straight with a ton of interested girls he called friends.

“Yes, I do. You guessed it right away!” Seongwoo was pleasantly surprised, beaming up at him.

Daniel blinked, appearing confused for a full minute, literally falling because he was so taken aback by the response. “Wait, what? I was right? You like like me? Neh? Seriously?”

Seongwoo giggled, reached up to affectionately rub his cheek, then rose up to rub his nose against his other cheek.

“Right, I do. I like you, Niel-ah. As more than a friend. And you?”

“Well, I’m still suffering from the shock but that’s a dream come true. I don’t know why you’d like me, but I’m not all against the idea. I wanted to be your boyfriend. I mean I want to now too, believe me, like crazy! I meant that I wanted to for a long time. Since the first month after you came in actually.”

“Oh, that long? For me, it wasn’t until sometime the next year. Sort of gradually. Your obnoxiously charming self snuck up on me. Since you were so nice, supportive, and overprotective of me, I suppose. That really tugged my heart.”

“Aw. Well, you deserve to be babied because you’re a baby.”

“Correction. I’m your baby. Only yours,” Seongwoo whispered, scooting closer and then bravely planting a soft, lingering kiss on the frozen blonde’s flesh cheek.

Daniel shriveled into a ball and squealed right after. “Hyung…I’m shy, how could you suddenly…”

“Maybe you’re more the innocent baby in need of protection, Niel-ah. Can’t even handle a cheek peck with your boyfriend? How are you going to handle deep kissing, cuddling in bed, getting entangled and grinding…” Seongwoo snickered, evilly circling his fingers on Daniel’s chest and huffing on his sensitive ear.

“Oh, my god, stop, I can’t imagine that, I’m far from ready, stop it, hyung!”

Daniel reached up to put his fingers into his ear holes, every inch of his visible skin turning a tomato shade. Seongwoo teasingly brought his pursed, smacking lips close, saying ‘it’s ppo-ppo time, give me your cheek’ while Daniel panicked and blocked him.

Ten minutes later, the friends who had been crushing on each other secretly since they were trainees had already made impressive progress into the unexplored realm of lovers. They were holding hands and planting sweet, playful pecks on each other’s temple or cheekbone as they read to the end of their comics in comfortable silence, music and sounds of nature a soft, romantic backdrop. The sun had shifted, casting them in the shade of the towering trees. It was cool so they no longer needed the mini-fan.

“I think I know what to get you for your birthday, hyung. You’d like this sort of thing, wouldn’t you?”

Daniel showed Seongwoo a panel that had a beaded bracelet. Seongwoo nodded, seeming interested.

“Yeah, I’d wear that. Why not get two so we can have a couple item? To celebrate our one-month anniversary, just a bit late. We can combine my birthday and our one month.”

“Eh~ You like gifts too much. So, you’re going to have me spoil you rotten by planning something and giving you a present every month-verserary and hundred-verserary too? I didn’t even debut yet, hyung. I’m broke. Cut me some slack.”

“Haha. Alright. You cheapskate. Then just get them for my birthday. We can just celebrate a hundred days. Make sure they’re matching or I won’t accept them. And we have to swear to wear it every day.”

“Neh? Every day is a bit much. What if it’s uncomfortable…”

“If you take it off, it means that you don’t have feelings for me anymore. If you give it back, it means you want to move on. Arasso?”

“It’s just a bracelet but okay. Whatever you want.”

“Good attitude to have. That’s how you keep your boyfriend satisfied.”

They went back to holding hands, resting back against the wall side by side, watching the swaying pine trees. Their thumbs wiggled at the same rhythm in only a way those that were musically gifted could do unconsciously since a perfect sense of rhythm was ingrained in their system.

“Niel-ah…Do you think we’re going to last a hundred days as a couple? Or will I get sick of your childish ways and bad sleeping habits by then?”

“Eh, no worries. It’s not going to be much different than we’ve always been. I don’t think it’s possible after all these years to get sick of each other. We’re going to be together at least one hundred thousand days.”

“I don’t think we will still be alive by then though? How old would we be then? 100 days is about three months, so 400 days is roughly a year, then 800 days is two years, so 1,000 days would be like two and a half years…”

After a minute of Seongwoo counting fingers and scrunching his face up at the sky as if the clouds were being used as a whiteboard for his calculation, Daniel wrapped his arms around the other’s shoulders bringing him close for their first couple hug, though it didn’t feel all that much different from any other times they’d hugged because they were always treated each other a bit more specially than friends normally did. Which is why there’d been many fangirls who assumed they were dating. Back in the day, if they were ever asked, their go-to response which was started by ever mischievous Seongwoo that liked to mess with people was ‘bimil~’ (it’s a secret~).

Voice dripping with love he didn’t bother to contain and never again would, Daniel said, “Baby, you’re going to hurt yourself. Don’t hurt your brain when you’re no good at math. Just fill it with thoughts of me instead.”

“Ah, molla! I give up! Numbers hate me.” Seongwoo collapsed back in exasperation, resting on his shoulder.

“But I like you.”

At the bold statement from the cheeky, smiling blonde, the brunette looked up at him, pout turning into a flattered, sweet grin.

“That’s true. Well, that’s all I need in life. I like you more though.”

His hand slid into Daniel’s hair at the nape of his neck, his eyes drifting and his head tipping. Daniel cradled his sharp jaw and helped tip his head up while tilting and lowering his, understanding what Seongwoo was suggesting. They shifted slowly until the anticipating and their pounding hearts were at a dramatic peak before gently connecting their pursed lips together. Their first kiss was as sweet and warm as hot chocolate despite being tinged with nerves.

_August 3, 2019_

“Daniel! Hey, it’s raining. What are you doing up here? Let’s go down. You’re drenched.”

Daniel had been waiting for Seongwoo on the rooftop when it started raining about an hour ago. Seongwoo might have been later than he said he would be, but at least he came which Daniel was terrified that he wouldn’t. He was clearly seething and his eyes were puffy and blood-shot, suggesting he’d cried a lot recently.

Despite that he was justifiably upset at Daniel, he was being caring, attempting to coax his boyfriend into going where it was dry. Daniel ducked his head back down, crying harder as soon as he’d seen Seongwoo’s face, knowing that he’d made a terrible decision that was going to come to miserable, harsh consequences. It was too late to take anything back, the article had already been released before he could give Seongwoo any warning.

Seongwoo had seen everything and been hurt. Exactly what he’d wanted to avoid, but even worse than he could imagine. He’d had to make repeated calls, beg through text, and wait here for hours before Seongwoo finally showed up. Seongwoo’s eyes were full of betrayal, accusations, and incredibly intense pain that pierced and mangled his weak soul. It didn’t suggest that he was in the mood to hear him out, which made Daniel feel all the more helpless, guilty, and panicked. The whole situation was too overwhelming and he hadn’t slept in two days so his brain wasn’t functioning at all.

“I don’t understand, Daniel. If you want to break up with me because you love someone else, then why are you crying?”

Daniel couldn’t answer with a wave of sadness and guilt choking his throat completely. He merely shook his head, more tears falling on his clutched, ghastly pale hands, his hunched, soaked-through shoulders shaking as if an Earthquake was occurring.

“No…No, you can’t do this, you didn’t, it’s a misunderstanding…You wouldn’t cheat on me, you’re not like that, you’ve always been a loyal person…Tell me you didn’t cheat at least, Daniel. I don’t want to believe that.”

“I didn’t! I wouldn’t ever!” Daniel shook his head, speaking gruff and sharp with a burst of intense emotion at the horrific idea.

“Then tell me that she’s nobody and that the article’s a bunch of bullshit. Why would your company confirm you’re dating her if it’s not true? Why would you let them post a misunderstanding or something photoshopped like it’s fact? What’s going on? Who is she anyway? How do you know her? Why were you together? Don’t be a cowardly clam and tell me!” Seongwoo’s anger was slipping out, being taken out on his body.

Daniel was sniffling and taking deep breaths in an attempt to control his anxiety enough to speak about what he needed Seongwoo to know.

Damn the company. He was going to go against their commands and spill everything. He wasn’t going to break up with Seongwoo either, not even if his debut became delayed. He would find a way to protect his dream, his boyfriend, and his relationship. There had to be a way, though he was too lost in the dark to see at the moment. Seongwoo would understand and help him find the light to lead them out of this mess because he cared about his career and about their privacy just as much as he did. Seongwoo was an understanding person so he’d probably go along with the cover-up deal. He wouldn’t assume the worst of him and leave him right away.

Seongwoo sighed, abruptly standing up and more gently rubbing his stinging, abused shoulder. “I need to go. I have a class that I can’t miss. When you’re ready to tell me what exactly is going on, just text me and I’ll come. Go inside before you catch a cold.”

Daniel foolishly let his boyfriend go, not knowing that would be the last chance that he had to explain himself and prove his innocence, the last moment that Seongwoo would give him the time of day because of his deep love and faith in him. He hadn’t expected the swell of rumors people were planning on dropping that would make the situation worse and Seongwoo’s trust and heart completely shattered.

Letting Seongwoo leave that day without hearing him out was the third worst decision in his life. The first had been letting this deal happen. The second had been not telling Seongwoo about the news himself.

**Back to Present**

_August 31 , 2020_

_“This night when everyone’s asleep, my heart’s in the same place as that day, I just wanna be with you, I just wanna be with you, oh you, oh yeah. Oh you, yeah, oh you, yeah._

_I just wanna be with you, I just wanna be with you. Oh you, yeah~”_

After finishing the last note, Daniel held the mic tenderly and stared at the ground with a somber, thoughtful expression. His teary eyes suggested that he’d taken a long journey through the past and the bittersweet feeling of reaching the end made him extra emotional.

Seongwoo stood up immediately, turning around so Daniel wouldn’t see his face. He was wiping tears away with the back of his hand. Once he was a bit calmer and more presentable, he turned his head just slightly, looking only at Daniel’s chest because he didn’t have the courage to meet the black haired-man’s haunting, emotional eyes which were trained on him.

“It’s too late. We should go home. Someone’s probably waiting.”

Daniel interpreted those husky words in another way, which he could read because he knew his hyung exceptionally well.

_It’s too late for us. We’re already over that way. We have other places we need to go. You have a girlfriend, remember? You should go back to her. Don’t attempt to woo me because I don’t want to be swayed. I’ve already given you the bracelet, so you understand. This is the end of us, in that way._

The way that Seongwoo rushed away, sniffling and wiping at his face once before reaching the stairs suggested that Daniel’s song had made him feel something that he decided to run from. Daniel merely watched him go through deeply pained, craving eyes. After taking the bracelets from the table and slipping both on one arm, he went to the top of the stairs and called down.

“Hyung!”

Seongwoo paused at the bottom, looking up. His eyes were dark and glistening like the starry night, overflowing with teardrops. His lip was swollen from being bitten down on as if he were fiercely fighting with himself. He was beautiful and endearing as always, an incredible visual that had the potential to be more of a popular heart throb than himself. At least, he made Daniel’s heart throb madly, sometimes with nearly bursting amounts of affection and love and other times heavy and hollow with intense longing. Which suggested that, unfortunately, he wasn’t able to release all of those special feelings just yet.

Although he couldn’t help if it was small and reeked of sorrow and regret because he wasn’t alright in the least, Daniel forced a small smile because he’d promised himself that he’d do that if it came down to it. He wanted to be remembered by his hyung as always smiling since Seongwoo said that his smiles were pleasant and healing like some sort of magic.

He didn’t want to cause pain, frowns, and tears to his beloved anymore. He only wanted to make his life better, if it was only as a supportive friend, then so be it. He’d lived with worse, without him in his life at all for an entire year. It had been an awful experience. There wasn’t a day where he could sleep or breath properly. He would take what he could get this lifetime and hope for another chance and better circumstances in the next.

“I hope you’ll only be happy now, hyung. Good luck with your girlfriend.”


	2. Return to Completion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seongwoo struggles with his changing feelings towards Daniel after what happened on the rooftop. He isn't happy in his current relationship, no matter how much he attempts to force it. He can't stop thinking of Daniel even when he's with his girlfriend. He wears clothes that are the other's style on purpose instead of accidentally. He understands what is going on but he is scared of many things, especially of losing the friendship.
> 
> When some big news comes out, it's even harder to stop himself from acting on those feelings he'd re-caught. Although he knows it's crazy to ask for a cheating ex back.
> 
> BTW if you are wondering where my stories have gone, I am keeping them private unless I upload a story. Because of a fanfic possible law related issue that is ongoing in Korea. NSFW stories can only be viewed if you are a member, so if you want to read those, you should go to my Twitter and I'll let you borrow my ID/PW to download. This will continue until things are officially cleared up.

**The healing, touching, happy ending Scientists deserve <3 **

The quaint, rustic, countryside themed café in Yongsan was brightened up by the presence of a dashingly handsome, model-worthy brunette. Although he was dressed casually in a simple, boyish look of ripped blue jeans, grey hoodie and white jacket, the way he carried himself and his cool, relaxed pose as he stared out the window made him look like a professional model.

That was because he indeed had professional modeling experience. If he had wanted, he could have been a successful idol. However, he’d decided that the waiting and trouble to debut wasn’t going to be worth it. He’d taken the safer route for his career, studying something that could make money with a stable job, something that wouldn’t push him into the spotlight and give him constant burdens and stress.

As he got older and had a small taste of the negative side of fame, he’d had to be brutally honest. He wasn’t cut out for that lifestyle. Not permanently. Nowadays, the most he would allow is casual modeling deals and keeping his SNS account active which was followed by some fans who supported him since his trainee days.

Of course, he had his own private account but there wasn’t much need to use it. On that one, he posted photos of his family and friends (the not-famous ones) and sometimes when he felt angsty, he made some emo posts there. Not that many fans knew of that account and the ones that did were thankfully keeping it secret to respect his privacy, knowing that was the largest reason that he’d given up on his dream. He wanted to live as a normal person now. 

Except that was when he saw or heard news of Daniel, his celebrity ex-boyfriend. Sometimes then, he would feel envious and wonder. If he’d stuck through with his training, they’d probably be collaborating together about now. They might have even had a collaboration album as a visually powerful duet. They might have been popular since they could dance and sing, they were tall and attractive in complimentary ways. Daniel would rap and he would be in control of the adlibs with his airy, limitless high notes.

He of course wouldn’t have as many fans as Daniel did and there would be lots of people that would criticize him, saying he was using his connections with famous people to gain attention, like a parasite. It wouldn’t matter that much though. Because at least he would have an excuse to be together with Daniel who was more than just a partner. He was his closest friend and in some ways without how similar their personalities and tastes were, sort of like a soulmate. That might have been worth getting some nasty, ridiculous comments about.

Since that day he’d returned the bracelet and Daniel had sang him a song that made him emotional and confused with the way it sounded like a confession, Seongwoo hadn’t physically met up with the singer. They chatted and sometimes called simply over the phone. They interacted on Instagram, though they both were a bit technologically inclined.

People knew that Daniel was back in touch with his old best friend and trainee, happy that they were being open about their friendship and the ‘fall out’ misunderstanding was cleared. Some of their straggling shippers were ecstatic, thinking this proved they were back together or that they’d just been a submarine instead of a sunken ship.

He didn’t care much what those fans thought. They were spilling delusional nonsense, stuck in their fantasy world. They probably didn’t care about them as people and were just obsessed with anything ‘gay’ they could come across. It was nice to know though that there were some people who wouldn’t want to burn them if their preferences and past came to be revealed. Not that he wanted that, but sometimes he felt like their relationship was such a wonderful time, and it was a big part of him even now, so he didn’t want to be ashamed of and hide it. 

_Something is strange since then. I’m now purposefully wearing the style that he likes instead of simply unconscious coincidence. On top of I even bought a necklace with that same design as that bracelet I finally managed to get the courage to give away. I end up thinking of him and smiling whenever I touch it. As if I don’t want to let_ _our past selves go. As if I don’t want to forget him in that way._

_This is the first time that I can’t stick to a decision and keep a promise I made. Thinking of him as just a friend and letting go of those special feelings is much more difficult than I thought. Dating someone else hasn’t helped. Meeting him to say goodbye hasn’t helped either. Rather, it made it worse since I end up comparing them and the relationship dynamics a lot more than before. With the other person always getting the shorter end of the stick, as if I’m completely biased._

_Then again, it also makes sense. Take away the hard times I had when we’re apart and that incident happened, he was a terrific boyfriend, wasn’t he? After meeting up with him, a lot of the hard feelings and hate I had disappeared. Just seeing his face, being reminded how nice he is. It became easy to recall the good things about us over the years instead of the bad things that happened that one month._

_Since we first grew close, becoming friends, we could talk about anything for hours. We clicked surprisingly well even though we at first seemed so different and even our ages are apart. He was caring, affectionate, thoughtful, funny, sweet. He gave me sincere compliments and enthusiastic support no matter how tired or busy._

_He was my biggest fan, actually. I didn’t give him enough credit for that, but I was grateful He was more upset about me giving up my dream than I was. When I told him the tough decision I had made, he wept like a baby. That was one of the few times I had ever seen him cry. It was cute how he tried to hide, then just ended up clinging to me for hours._

_Come to think of it, I was truly unfair reacting the way I did before we broke up. He never intentionally ignored me or left me lonely, I know that. It wasn’t his fault we had to meet in secret just a few times. He did his best despite he was busy and surely he was thinking of me even when we were apart because of work. Because he is considerate and sincere like that._

_The one that first pushed him away was probably me. I was always the instigator of our fights. He hardly had a temper and didn’t like to argue. He said many times that he didn’t want to argue when it was rare to have a chance to talk, but I didn’t listen, didn’t acknowledge how sick of that he was getting. I was the one that couldn’t understand about his hectic schedule or wait patiently for his call, or just be NICE. I didn’t appreciate his efforts or cherish what we had that year, not properly or openly._

_I didn’t make the most of the times that we could meet but rather complained about how little the time was or how long I had to wait. I was moody, negative, inconsiderately demanding like a psychotic, paranoid girlfriend. It was probably natural that he’d come to like someone else considering I gave him nothing but irritation and stress when he needed to be cheered up and comforted._

_I don’t really blame him. The me back then was extremely selfish and bratty. I treated him like he was a terrible boyfriend, thinking that only I was having a hard time and it was all his fault. I made him feel guilty when he didn’t do anything wrong. It was all my fault, being too young and inconsiderate. Because I was new to that sort of relationship. Being too quick to put the blame on him for my own paranoia and loneliness. I was taking out all my uncertainty, insecurities, and negative emotions on him recklessly. Forgetting that he was a good person who liked me sincerely._

The more that he contemplated the reason that they grew apart and Daniel would have cheated on him, the more that he came to dislike himself. He’d often fall into a gloomy state, zoning out with a sad expression. Even when he was in class or on a date. This happened especially after he read anything about or contacted Daniel as if the singer had some sort of spell-casting ability. 

“Excuse you. Am I invisible?”

The university girlfriend he’d been seeing a couple months sitting across from him let out a sigh and tapped on the table, clearly annoyed and wanting his attention. Seongwoo was about to apologize for staring off into space and ignoring her unintentionally, again. Until he noticed that she was giving his clothes a nasty, disproving look. 

“What’s the problem now?”

“Why are you dressing like a teenage skater boy? It doesn’t suit you at all. You look much better in turtlenecks and coats. Leather jackets. Casual suits. Why don’t you dress like an adult and act your age? It’s frankly embarrassing. You make me look like a noona. I don’t want to look older than you. Cut it out with the hoodies from our next date, at least. I mean it. That’s an order, not a request.”

Seongwoo slammed his hands on the circular table, making it shake like a leaf in a storm. She jumped, appearing taken aback.

“Leave me alone about that already. Why do you care about what I wear? Jeez. It’s not like we’re going to get married, so why are you nagging like my freaking wife these days? That’s what really makes you seem older. Like a hag.”

He knew instantly that he’d grown offended and took it too far just then. As soon as she saw her extremely offended face as if she’d been slapped, he reached out, getting ready to apologize and make an excuse. It was true that he didn’t really like her and she annoyed the hell out of him these days, but he felt bad. He wasn’t usually a shouting, temperamental jerk and he didn’t think it was right to break up with her just yet with their anniversary right around the corner. He bit his troublesome tongue.

She snatched her hand out of reach and then stood up abruptly. “If you don’t consider my opinion important and you don’t want to be in a serious relationship with me, oppa, then don’t. Let’s quit this. I want to break up. I’ve had enough of your unpredictable, swinging moods and constantly ignoring me. I tried to understand but you won’t even tell me what’s the reason for the change. I’ve had enough. Bye, for good this time. Let’s not cross paths or contact each other ever again.”

After letting out a dragon-like furious huff, she stormed out of the café so swiftly that a stack of napkins blew over onto the floor. 

Seongwoo plopped back in the chair with a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes at her dramaticisims. It was so typical of her. That was so troublesome about girls, especially this one. She was so immature, emotional, and had a tendence to over-react. This wasn’t the first time, but more like the tenth time this month that she’d so easily said she wanted to break up. It was her sloppy tactic to get him to chase after her and apologize quickly. So, she could get her way.

If he ran after her right now, hugged her from behind, and said some fluffy, romantic lies, then everything between them would be alright again.

For what? They’d go back to their dreary, predictable dates, being a shallow sort of happy for a few days. However, the problem wouldn’t go away. It would simply resurface at some other place for some other little reason like this. She’d nag him about silly, tiny things. He would get annoyed(rightfully). They would fight. He would snap. She would snap, then threaten to break up. Etcetera.

Truthfully, he had had enough of her, especially this difficult, boring relationship. Even if he was able to invest in a relationship, it still wouldn’t likely work out. There was a mountain of things that she didn’t like about him which she expressed in a biting, condescending manner and he couldn’t control his attitude or give her undivided attention every minute like she wanted either. It was vice versa, though he wasn’t a judgemental, picky person. It was true they didn’t have much in common and their personalities were vastly different.

She was more of the demanding, spoiled, needy princess type than he’d thought. The sort that a kind of guy like himself couldn’t deal with well. It was a relationship that was doomed to fail.

So, why have I been hanging onto it? Attempting to vaguely fix something that’s permanently cracked? When he didn’t really like her?

_Because I’m that scared of being single, is that it? If I cut ties with her, then there’s nothing to stop me from wanting Daniel in a way I really shouldn’t whenever I get lonely. I have a feeling that’s why. A relationship with another person gave me this wall of responsibility that’s stopping me from running to him._

Even scared of that protective shield would fall, he couldn’t force his feet to move from the floor this time around. They felt as if there were bricks laying on top of his Vans. His resistance to make-up with that girl and be in a relationship was even stronger. It was honestly exhausting on top of everything else he had going on. He wasn’t in the right state of mind to be in any relationship right now.

Also, he wasn’t that into her, mainly. He tried his best with her because she was pretty and nice. That was all. He’d really wanted to move on and not be lonely anymore. But she just wasn’t the one for him. He honestly didn’t see that relationship going anywhere. It was a waste of his precious time and energy. She was just another girl. Not THE one.

“Good job, Ong. There’s nothing to beat yourself up about. In fact, you should be proud. You hung in there a long time. Actually, you wanted to dump her a month ago. She’s too high strung. It’s not even worth the trouble,” he muttered, patting himself on the shoulder.

The worst thing about that girl is that she couldn’t understand him. In fact, she barely tried to. She just pressured him to think and act the way that she did without attempting to get into the nitty-gritty, without asking about or listening to his troubles. He hadn’t felt comfortable to open up to her about anything that he’d been through, even after dating for months. She barely knew beyond his basic interests and likes/dislikes. He might have shared his body a couple times, but he couldn’t bring himself to share his heart or deeper thoughts about life and society so easily.

No one understood him the way that Daniel did. No one listened as attentively, appreciated, respected, and casually debated his different opinions. No one could analyze the inner workings of Spongebob with him. That was a frustrating and depressing fact. The one person that felt right for him was the one that hurt him and left him so cruelly that he couldn’t possibly go back. Or shouldn’t. Though he couldn’t say with certainty that he didn’t want to.

That confession song, how he’d cried and looked regretful made him confused and doubtful about if Daniel really had no feelings for him anymore. It really messed with his mind. Which was one reason he couldn’t get Daniel off his mind recently.

They talked at least twice a week for an hour to two hours. He hadn’t dared to meet up with him even though Daniel had suggested it. Because he couldn’t fully trust himself. Even when he was dating someone, he figured that he had some lingering feelings, especially desire. His heart still raced, and butterflies flipped in his stomach just hearing that deep, husky, slightly accented voice. 

The biggest reason was the sad, longing sort of lyrics, his pitiful, sad puppy expression when they’d said goodbye, and the rumors going around online. He’d come across some things fans were saying by chance. Supposedly, Daniel was single since many months ago. Some even suggested that the relationship hadn’t been real in the first place. That there’d been some sort of shady deal that he had no choice but to agree to. 

Seongwoo wasn’t sure how much to believe in those rumors because it sounded like delusional nonsense, but truthfully that was easier than believing that Daniel had willingly cheated because he fell out of love with him. Previously, he had forced himself not to think of the other, but after coming across those rumors, things were different. He didn’t bother to stop his mind from wandering.

He even checked up on him and wore things that would purposefully remind him of and thus feel closer to the singer somehow. Just the way that a fan would do. Although, just as before, there came sharp, shadowy jabs of pain whenever he thought of or saw his face, he accepted it instead of avoiding it this time around. Because a lot of that pain was filtered with sweetness from the good memories, his positive feelings, the affection, sadness and longing he thought that he might have seen that night in the singer’s expression.

Within a minute, he’d completely forgotten about the impending break-up and his upset girlfriend. That tended to happen once he got on stan Twitter with his secret Daniel-biased account. He only followed news about Daniel so that was all that he ever saw on his TL, which was great because that was what he was curious about and he could get caught up in just an hour or so. He was a part-time model, full-time university student, so he didn’t have all that much time to devote to fanboying like some younger people might.

After getting to the bottom of his feed, he refreshed just out of curiosity. He wasn’t feeling like leaving yet since he hadn’t finished his coffee. Somehow, he had this feeling like he might be missing out on something big.

Indeed, mere minutes later, he found that his instinct never failed him. There was a breaking news article with Daniel and that girl’s photos on it. He clicked on it before even reading the title, rapidly reading five times top to bottom with his heart performing a drum roll. Eventually it sank in and he smiled bright as the moon. 

Daniel was a free bird flying solo once more. The break-up was confirmed on both sides. They were caput. The news many fans were waiting for their own various reasons was finally confirmed.

“About time. Rumors do usually have truth in them, after all.”

_Since when? Was he actually split from her when he met me? Or was it right after? Did he break up because he has feelings for me? Or is it really because of schedules, that cliché go-to reasoning?_

_Wait, that’s not what I should be thinking about right now. I should check up on him. He might be hurting. It might have been a real relationship after all. Not many break-ups are a fully happy incidence, even for the person who initiated it. In that case, I shouldn’t be openly celebrating that it’s over. After all, I’m his friend. I should comfort his broken heart just in case. He did date her for a year nearly (supposedly), so it might have been serious._

**Ong:** Hey, buddy. I heard the news. I’m sorry to hear that. Are you doing alright? Do you need to talk? Or you just want to be left alone?

 **Niel:** Oh, I can totally talk. Talking sounds nice, if it’s you, hyung ^^ You already read about it? Wow, you’re fast. Now that you’re a normal citizen, it seems you’re quite the internet junkie haha.

 **Ong:** Stop deflecting, you brat. Are you ok or not? I’m worried here >.< Answer me before I get sulky and leave.

 **Niel:** Eh, drama queen much. Come back, come back. I’ll be sadder if you go. Anyways. It’s not that big of a deal, hyung, so don’t worry about me. It’s old news that’s been a long time coming. Just was waiting for decent timing to release it. Let’s talk about you instead of me. How is your day going? What are you doing now? Did you eat yet?

Seongwoo was relieved and intrigued to see that Daniel didn’t seem that sad. So, it was old news that they’d broken up and it was just made to seem like recently. He wondered just how long ago it was, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask. At least not over text. That sort of deep, intimate talk should be something between guys over drinks in a private place. 

_Don’t put that much meaning in that one song that one night though. You don’t know what he meant by it. He might have just been emotional and lonely due to other circumstances. It could be something different than what you’re hoping. It doesn’t mean that he has lingering feelings that tore apart his relationship the same way that it did for you._

_What we had was a long time ago. It’s in the past. Solidly. Way past. We both let it go that night. The bracelets are gone. We agreed to be friends and up until now there hasn’t been any hint that he wants to be more or thinks of you as more than that still. You’re just going to make things a complicated mess if you get eager and slip up. Even though you want more, you know that you should curb and hide that urge._

_Right? Him being single doesn’t change everything._

Although the circumstances of why he was with that girl though, that might have some affect on his thinking process…

While he was--for the umpteenth time--lost in thought, a ding on his phone signaled that Daniel had sent him a new message.

**Niel:** Do you wanna meet up? Why don’t you come over to my place, hyung? I have something to say but I want to say it in person. You said you didn’t eat yet. Let’s have dinner in. I’ll order jokbal, your forever fav.

‘Sure, let’s meet up now!’ he typed out and then quickly erased it, shaking his head and slapping his cheek.

_Be sensible, you desperate fool! See, this is exactly what I was worried about! You’re about to toss yourself on him like a cat in heat just after learning he’s single, really! Have some shame and self-respect. Remember! This is the guy who hurt you. This is the guy you agreed to let go of and be friends with. You already gave him the bracelet back and told him you were going to move on. If you cling on to him now, how lame and shameful it would be! You can’t just forgive, forget, and jump in his arms like that! Have some pride, man!_

After five minutes leaving Daniel on read, Seongwoo finally responded. He was planning to play a bit of push and pull games (which he was actually a master of), making it seem like he wasn’t hung up on his ex (indeed, he terribly was). 

**Ong:** I’m busy with schoolwork today. Maybe another day. I’ll let you know when I’m free. Sorry, what unfortunate timing. I really shouldn’t be texting you now, but I was just worried.

 **Niel:** I understand, hyung. I’m glad to hear you’re busy, actually. Don’t study too hard. Eat something soon before it gets too late; not good for digestion. Make sure you take breaks and replenish with H20 every fifteen minutes. Stop acting like it’s your enemy already. You’re baby face, but not a kid.

 **Ong:** Haha, way to toss in the compliment there, you incorrigible flirt. Okay, okay. I’ll drink a bottle of water as soon as I’m done with my coffee. Since you flattered my youth.

 **Niel:** I knew it! You and coffee are basically married. The sweet stuff anyway. Aigoo, to think you don’t drink water because it’s “tasteless”. What a baby.

 **Ong:** You’re not much better with your jellies and chicken mayo now. Get off my back, you babier mutt. Make sure you eat properly! Don’t skip meals, not to play games or sleep especially. If I find out later, you’re dead.

 **Niel:** Eesh. Why do you have to be like those fans? I have enough nagging as it is. If you tell me you’re stan account ID, then I will not only eat three meals a day. I’ll even send proof.

 **Ong:** I told you I don’t have that kind of thing.

 **Niel:** You SO do, you secretive cat. You know things only fans would be able to know. That was a huge tip-off. I’m sure that you’re following my fans online. I’ve already caught you.

 **Ong:** Whatever, you’re just imagining it. Are you that free?

 **Niel:** Nope, totally not free haha. I’m getting glared at to put down my phone. I just find a way to make time for you, hyung. If I see you message me, then I stop everything I’m doing. I swear. I don’t want to miss out on talking with you. 

**Ong:** I guess you’ll get dragged away soon. And rightfully smacked. Stop tormenting your staff, Kang Choding. Get back to work. I’m gonna go. TTYL

 **Niel:** TTYL hyung, soon, I hope! Remember, water every fifteen minutes! That’s much better for your skin than mist!

 **Ong:** Yeah, yeah. Go eat if you didn’t! You’re too thin as is.

 **Niel:** Nyam, nyam, nyam, I ate your love and that’s all I need. Hmm, so full. Thanks for caring for me, bestie! <3 Xoxo

 **Ong:** Something substantial, Daniel. I mean it! Or I’m going to be way scarier than your fans! >.<

Seongwoo was smiling and staring at Daniel’s profile photo on their private messenger chat long after their conversation had finished. Eventually he dropped the phone and sank back in the chair, staring wistfully up at the ceiling. 

“This is silly. I think I still have feelings for that idiot Samoyed…”

_How can I like someone that might have cheated and even if he didn’t, broke my heart into a million tiny pieces that I still haven’t managed to put back together? I must be a crazy masochist…_

  
  
  
  


“Vata hyung, wassup~” 

“Not much. Don’t you look like a total snack today. You look good enough to eat. Talk about the glow up university life has given.”

Seongwoo returned the hand clasp and warm half-hug from the choreographer. He was an old friend and fellow dancer who worked with Daniel. Seongwoo had known of him for many years and been close to him as well as his dance crew by extension. He wasn’t the type to cut off all acquaintances of his ex, especially the ones that he had a lot in common with, so they’d remained in touch.

They didn’t avoid talking about Daniel either, not necessarily. Seongwoo wasn’t so stiff that he forbade the mention. They usually riffed on him instead of talking seriously though. That showed how sensible their mutual dancer friends were. They knew exactly what to do stuck in the middle, but now they didn’t have to worry much at all since it was a known fact that they were cool nowadays.

It was rare for Vata to call him out like this, but the student didn’t mind. He could use the distraction and some cure for his loneliness. He wanted to talk to someone whenever he had free time, but he was trying to curb himself from texting Daniel excessively. He was trying to resist his urges, even though Daniel kept repeatedly asking for him to come over (just a light, casual sort of suggestion to eat, browse movies on Netflix, and eat take-out that wasn’t hard to avoid and the other just laughed off without seemingly being offended).

He wanted to see Daniel too, but he wasn’t ready. He didn’t have his thoughts and feelings in check enough to trust himself not to do something foolish just yet.

“Hey, don’t flirt so much there, beasty boy. I’m easily swayed by your type. Tall, buff, chic and handsome. I came here to eat first and get eaten later.”

“Calm down, squirt. I’m just joking.”

“I was too, kinda. I’m starving and now that I’m single, I’m free to stuff my face, with food and otherwise.”

The tall, good looking dancer laughed and ruffled his hair after the student tossed him a terrible wink which was more like a wince. They sat down and ordered before they started casually chatting. The topics varied from their lives to recent projects to music and dramas. They had a lot of shared interests and could talk for a solid thirty minutes about merely that. Though as it turned out, this wasn’t any casual, random get together.

“So…did you hear the news?”

“Ah, yeah… I knew this was a strange occasion. So, you called me out to talk about that.”

“If you don’t mind, we can. If you don’t, we can change the subject.” Vata smiled kindly when Seongwoo appeared awkward, avoiding his gaze and fidgeting.

To be honest, a few days ago Seongwoo had gotten drunk, called him, and probably spilled some things about his feelings that he really shouldn’t. Which is probably what led to this. 

Seongwoo sighed and shook his head in somber fashion.

“No, it’s fine. Let’s get the difficult stuff out of the way before it becomes a bigger headache. I sent him a message as soon as I saw it, but he seemed fine. We didn’t talk about it since.”

“Yeah, of course he will seem that way. He wouldn’t want to show you his bad side. Not right now.”

Seongwoo’s wavy, well-styled mop of chestnut hair popped up in alarm. A pair of dangling silver earrings jingled.

“Bad side? He isn’t okay, you mean? Is there a lot of hate posts that he’s been reading? Has he been pretending that he’s fine just to seem strong? Tch, that liar! It’s not fair. We promised ages ago not to hide our darker emotions. Gosh, why does he spend so much time online instead of sleeping, which is way better for his health. What if he lets all that negativity bottle up inside of him again and doesn’t confide in anyone and –”

His hysterical, rapid-fire words filled up his throat to the point that his airstream was cut off. Vata pat his back and passed him water as he coughed. As soon as he took a gulp, Seongwoo angrily whipped out his phone. The worst thing was the thought that if he didn’t do something right now for his friend that he would sink into the deep end of his worst nightmare, his own negative thoughts. He wasn’t around to stop that from happening before, but he would do everything in his power to make sure history didn’t repeat. Especially since he’d been there himself, in that dark lair infested with faceless demons. 

“I’m not going to let him off. I’ll call him and nag his ear off until he spills everything that he’s been up to—"

Vata gently took the phone from his silver-ringed figners and calmed him by rubbing his shoulder.

“I knew this would happen. Daniel is such a good person, always sacrificing his own happiness for others. He still hasn’t told you anything about what happened last year, has he? The real story that hardly anyone knows.”

Seongwoo sat forward, grabbing his friend’s wrist. He didn’t dare to hope yet he was about to clasp on to a huge balloon of it. 

“Real story? Tell me. What has he been keeping from me? You have to tell me. Even if he said not to, for his own sake, I need to know. So I can help.”

Vata gave him a calm, reassuring look, moving to clasp and pat his hands.

“I have a feeling that he wants to tell you himself, but he keeps on dragging because of timing excuses and I think that he might chicken out at the last minute because he’s worried to break your relationship or make you relive bad memories. So, I’m just going to spill the beans and get this over with. I can’t wait and watch you dumbos dance circles around each other anymore. The thing is, back then…”

Seongwoo listened intently, leaning across the table and gripping the edges as Vata told him a rather long, shocking, complex and quite dark tale. Much worse than anything he could have imagined.

There were things that he knew and things that he didn’t. Some rumors were cleared up and some others were clarified. In the end, he learned the very thing that he had been hoping for, something that made his knees tremble. If he hadn’t been in a chair, he would have collapsed.

He felt immense relief yet also regret. To think, that Daniel hadn’t told him all these crucial things. To think, he had been misunderstanding and hating him for all this time when he hadn’t done anything wrong but instead been wronged by the industry, trying to protect them both. They’d both been suffering for no good reason. They’d lost the closest person to them through this fake, forced, imaginary relationship and blown-up nasty, defaming rumors.

He was shaking, nearly bursting, with fury. He was so angry. More so at himself than Daniel. It wasn’t like Daniel hadn’t tried to tell him. He had said many times now that he had something to tell him but Seongwoo had missed out on every chance.

Back then, he’d refused to meet or even talk with him. He’d assumed the worst all on his own from the rumors and because of Daniel’s tears and silence. He should have known that there was something fishy about it all, especially the lack of evidence even up until recently. He should have thought that Daniel could have been too overwhelmed with the weight of the situation and the guilt of hurting him that he would cry and not be able to speak right away. He should have trusted his guts and what he knew that Daniel wasn’t the sort of person to cheat.

Instead of having faith, patience, and rationality, he’d destroyed everything with his own hands and plunged Daniel deeper into darkness. He’d convinced himself that the rumors were right, and Daniel was the bad guy, so that he would have a chance to run away from the problems he was struggling to deal with. He’d been weak, selfish, negative and stupid.

He couldn’t simply put the blame on Daniel anymore. The blame was meant to be more on him, for everything difficult they’d been going through. Especially that Daniel had to go through those dark times without him, the person he was comfortable with and relied on the most. Struggling with inner demons as well as hateful, jealous slanderers outside at the same time, practically helpless and alone. It was his fault for closing off their connection that Daniel had no-one to open up to when he needed it the most, then getting sick and disappearing like that. A large part of Daniel’s unspeakable pain was on his shoulders. Thus, he hated himself enough to cause himself harm. 

Except, there was something more pressing than that emotion – his urge to find Daniel and give him a hug and curse at him for not forcing him to listen to this story he was obviously trying to tell several times now. 

“I’m going to talk to him right now. There’s no point in hesitating a day more. I need to see him. Give me the address.”

As soon as Vata had put it into his naver map though, the brunette sank back with a conflicted expression. He chewed on his lip, shook his feet, and twiddled with the necklace as he debated with himself. He was half muttering, half whining like a puppy who wasn’t sure if he should cross a deep, chilly lake to get the ball he was meant to fetch or not. 

“I want to go and spill everything I’ve been keeping in. But I gave him the bracelet already. That means clearly that we’re done. If I say I want him back and that I have feelings still, I’ll seem like such a hypocritical loser. There’s no guarantee he even feels the same, so why suffer the humiliation and make things awkward by confessing? Things have been good with us recently and I don’t want to risk ruining that. If I go now, I’m not sure I can hide it, but I probably should. Since we agreed to be friends. There’s no way he’d still like me after I did him wrong like that…”

“Chill, Ongs, chill. Trust me on this. Pretty much it’s 99.9% certain that he still likes you. He’s crazy about you. That anyone at the company and around him knows. Whenever you guys chat, I see him smiling a lot. In his free time, not even when he has things to do, he keeps searching you up on SNS, keeping up with your life. He carries around a squirrel that he says protects him, of all things.

I think he just doesn’t have the courage to comment much. Maybe he thinks you will find him annoying and burdensome. I bet you didn’t notice that he’s liked a lot of your posts since you hardly go on there and have a lot of followers.

I understand why it was hard for you in the past, but he’s changed. No matter how busy he is now, he does think of you and check up on you because he’s curious or worried. He asks about you between posts or texts. He tries to meet up with you, to establish any sort of connection, jumping on every chance to talk. He’s forgiven and forgotten all of the bad things, probably from the moment that he lost you. He isn’t holding any grudges or expecting anything from you at all.

Daniel literally just wants to see you happy after all the troubled times you had. Especially, he wants to be a part of that process if at all possible. Even it means hiding his true feelings and staying within the limited friend zone forever. You mean a lot to him, that’s for sure.” 

Seongwoo opened his insta account and searched through his posts. He found that Daniel had liked every single one of his posts with his private account. Sometimes his official account appeared too, as if he was in such a rush that he hadn’t realized he hadn’t switched his account. He smiled and pocketed his phone, then looked up at Vata with a determined expression.

“I’m going to go to his house for starters. Right now.”

“Hyung. What are you…”

Seongwoo pushed his way in and shut the door out of paranoia. He didn’t want to be seen and have their cover blown before they’d even had a day together. He was in such a hurry to get past the necessary nasty business that he forgot about formalities. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Daniel stood in the hallway, extremely confused. Especially as to why he was being shoved angrily. 

“Tell you what? My address? Did you contact fans and make a deal with old photos? You could have just asked.”

Seongwoo clicked his tongue and lightly shoved him again. “Not that! Why would I sell you out when we have mutual acquaintances, dummy! I heard everything from your friend. I know everything that happened.”

“About…?”

Daniel cocked his head. Seongwoo rolled his eyes.

“Everything. You know. About her, who I won’t name. The deal.”

It took Daniel awhile to get it, then his almond shaped eyes popped open into walnuts. “Oh…”

“Why didn’t you just tell me? Why did I have to go all this time thinking you were a bad person and have to hear a year later from someone else? Huh? Really, Daniel. You’re so bad at basic communication. You make things so difficult when they don’t need to be. You should have just emailed or texted it all to me if I was refusing to meet you. How could you keep silent about the truth all this time? Weren’t you feeling wronged? I hated you and had my heart shattered for no reason!”

After he got a large majority of what he wanted to say off his chest, the student stood there huffing, arms on his waist. Daniel scratched his neck, sheepish and bashful.

“Why did they go and tell you? Those nosy minions.”

“That’s what I wanted to tell you. I thought it was better to say in person. I thought now that everything was over and we’re not awkward that it was the perfect timing. You kept avoiding it though. It’s not like I haven’t been trying, hyung…”

“Well, we met now by some miracle. So, explain!” the elder pressed, but then he became frozen with a waterfall of emotions dumped on him.

Right in front of his eyes, he could see Daniel’s bare, pale, veiny arm. That exotic contrast of manly yet beautiful wasn’t what distracted him as it would have on some other days. What caught his attention was the bracelets. He was wearing both their bracelets on the same arm, as if he couldn’t bear to part with them. As if he couldn’t stand to see them part with each other. As if he refused to let the circles break and disconnect.

He didn’t know why he’d kept those things that Seongwoo had returned and expected/asked him to throw out, but he was so very grateful. He felt as if he were being remembered and cherished. He felt like Daniel still loved him, like he didn’t want to abandon their past, especially all those good memories.

Sensing that, delusion or not, he realized that he really couldn’t keep being a mere friend with this amazing, pitiful, much too righteous guy. He wanted to connect and overlap, to become complete with Daniel again like those bracelets were. One of those which rightfully belonged to him and he wanted back. No, it wasn’t about anything materialistic. He wanted Daniel back, specifically. He wanted everything back the way it was before. Them, their relationship, the deep, honest interactions, the intense, sensual, yet soft skinship.

_How can I have that miracle? In any Disney movie then everything changes for the better from a kiss, doesn’t it? Should I try that? Damn, look at those plump, full lips. I certainly want to. I’m not blind. Should I just go for it?_

Maybe that sort of magical moment would work here, since men were more physical beings and that was an easier way to express himself. He was too chocked up to possibly talk, too overwhelmed with his emotions. Yet he desperately needed Daniel to know the unchanged truth, the depth of his feelings, the things that he wanted. As soon as possible.

Daniel fell back, eyes stuck expanded. Seongwoo had grabbed his face and crushed their lips together in an emotional, needy kiss. He was left in shock, watching Seongwoo kiss him one-sided, very much confused but with bombs of happiness exploding inside. 

“Hyung? Why--! Hmm!”

He didn’t have a chance to say more because apparently Seongwoo wasn’t satisfied or ready to stop with one, long kiss. This time around, Daniel just figured ‘fuck it, I might as well enjoy this miracle while it lasts even though I don’t understand a thing that’s going on.’ He slid his arms around the other’s slim, curvy waist and pulled him close until their bodies were tightly connected, like he was caging him so he couldn’t run away.

He refused to let Seongwoo leave his place without knowing the truth, especially about his feelings. He had waited for so long for an opportunity to have a serious talk, hoping the truth might put him in a better light which would lead to a second chance with his soulmate. Sensing that Seongwoo was overwhelmed and wanting to express his feelings that still lingered, he kissed him back with relish, focusing on making it feel good and romantic.

Their soft, sweet kisses became a bit steamy and sloppy once their tongues got involved because their desires were spiked. Seongwoo finally pulled away. both were breathing harshly though bruised, swollen mouths and staring at each other with dark, shimmering eyes. 

“I thought you would have thrown those out…”

“Why would I? Just because you let me go doesn’t mean that I have to do the same. I would never. You should understand, hyung. She meant nothing to me. It was something that I was forced to do to protect you. I can explain more in detail once I catch my breath and my head stops spinning. Damn but are you still crazy good at kissing. But first things first, know that.

You on the other hand, you mean everything. You mean everything to me. You are the most important person who has ever walked into my life. You are SO precious to me that words can hardly begin to explain. Precious enough to lose anything to protect you. I just want you to be happy, then, recently, and now. I’m sorry I haven’t had the chance to tell you yet, but I had every intention to.”

For a minute, Seongwoo searched his eyes without blinking. Then he smiled softly and looked down at his arm. He pulled one off the bracelets off and slipped it onto his own arm. Daniel watched what was going on in a state of wonder.

“Forget it then.”

“Forget what? I’m lost here, hyung. A little help. What do you mean by that?” the younger pressed with an angsty tone.

“I take it back, what I said that night. That’s what this means. Everything. I don’t want to let you go either. I don’t want to move on. Forget about the deal to be friends. Forget about ending things. Forget about trying to forget and move on.

I tried and I can’t. I can’t force myself to do something that my heart doesn’t want. Even when I was with my girlfriend after that day we met up, I can’t keep you out of my head and I just compare you both with her always coming up short. In the end, my heart doesn’t want to get over you, so I just give up fighting it. Now that I know you weren’t cheating. That was the last wall holding my resolve to not cross lines. Moving on is over-rated. Why should I not be with you when you want me too and you didn’t do anything bad?”

The younger’s face lit up like an excited puppy under a spotlight, then he calmed, hesitation fogging his pretty brown eyes.

“But...what about her? Aren’t you still together? I thought you were meeting her just recently…It would be wrong…”

Daniel brushed his hips through his shirt, chewing on his swollen, wet lip. Seongwoo was unconsciously pouting and looking incredibly scrumptious at that moment. Daniel terribly wanted to crush him close and kiss his lips raw after demanding he become his boyfriend again, but he was torn. It didn’t seem appropriate, breaking up his relationship. It also wasn’t in Seongwoo’s best interest to get caught up with him, a celebrity with a long way to go before retirement. History might repeat. Seongwoo might be put in danger. His happiness especially could be put in jeopardy.

“Forget her. We already broke up. She’s not my type. I was just forcing myself, but I don’t want to anymore. I want to be happy, which I think the only way I am is when I’m with you. Because I can’t find anything more perfect than we were and I think, still can be.”

Daniel stepped back, thinking the distance would help keep his head clear so he could have a rational talk.

“I mean, I’m flattered and ecstatic that you would have feelings for me still. I feel the same. But, hyung, a relationship is something you should consider seriously, when you’re in a more rational mindset. Take some time to deeply think it over. Our relationship wasn’t and won’t be perfect. Even if I want to give you perfection, I can’t help that I’m a busy celebrity. We can’t have privacy. I can’t meet you or talk to you whenever you need. I might make you frustrated, stressed, and lonely though it isn’t my intention. I think you need something more stable and intensely intimate than I can offer you…”

Seongwoo followed the other backing up until he had him trapped against a wall. Daniel inhaled sharply as Seongwoo slowly reached up, brushing his lips with his thumb to subtly silence his worries. Shaking his head, he smiled gently.

“I came prepared. Do you think I wouldn’t have come here without considering those issues? That just doesn’t matter. Not anymore. I’m a different person. I’ve matured, just as you have. I will be able to deal with it because I know how to appreciate the little things I was taking for granted. Such as you trying your best when you have the time and energy, being there for me when I really need you, apologizing when you can’t be because of circumstances, being careful to keep me out of the harm of the public. That’s more than enough stability and intimacy.

We will be fine now that I am a different, more grown-up, selfless, understanding person. Maybe I just needed time to get used to it. After losing you completely, I realized how you were the sunshine that brought brightness and comfort to my life, especially when I’m troubled and stressed.

You didn’t do anything wrong, so stop doing that mountain stacking self-blame thing you do. It was mostly on me. I even refused to let you explain yourself multiple times. I cut you off and ran away from the world. A secret relationship with a singer I adore and support whole-heartedly because that’s that gifted man’s dream which he carries mine on his shoulders as well. That’s way better than not having him as my own at all.

My life is so gloomy, and it felt like there was a part of me missing like a gaping hole. Ever since you stepped back into my life, even though there was some pain and anger there because of the misunderstanding and jealousy, everything was great. I felt whole, like these completed circles. I smiled and laughed a lot whenever we chatted. Like a slice of heaven.

That’s a sign from the universe. An undeniable one. Even someone as dense and stubborn as myself couldn’t ignore it. I feel that THIS, US is right. We are meant to be together, not with others and especially not apart.

I promise that I will be a better boyfriend if you give me the chance. I will try harder to make things work. I will not hold you responsible for my unhappiness if it occurs and I will not start fights just because you can’t be with me or talk to me sometimes. This time around, I will prove myself by being patient and grateful for being able to have any of your time and attention at all, even mere slivers. Live in the moment, bask in small bits of happiness. Life is too short to be unhappy.

So, what do you think? Will you miss out on this opportunity? Is our timing miserably off again?”

“Hyung… I swear if there’s any more timing incidences that dare mess us up, I will break every clock and find a way to go back in time and fix it. I won’t miss chances if I can help it and if it happens, I will make my own. You are my lucky charm, you know that? Everything good that has happened in my career, I believe that is because you were by me or rooting for me. I don’t want to lose or upset my lucky charm ever again. Stay with me, hyung. Because you are all I need. Just take my hand and I’ll make sure your days are full of smiles, and everything else you need.”

Their bracelet adorned hands linked while the other hands tenderly caressed each other’s cheeks as their starry-eyed gazes locked. There was a whole planet full of pink, flowery love there that they basked in and didn’t dare hide. Like an enclosed circle, a ring of low intensity fire, they were connected and full of warmth again. Everything was somehow right with the world as if their shattered universes stopped shaking and clicked comfortably into place.

They learned in for another kiss, which was innocent and soft. Daniel pulled back, looking at Seongwoo’s outfit with a quizzical drop of his caterpillar brows.

“Hyung...Isn’t this mine? I didn’t know you had this. I was wondering where it went.”

“Ah, right… Come to think of it, it IS yours. Woops. It doesn’t really suit me, does it...” Seongwoo sheepishly scratched his head, fidgeting with the checkered hem. 

Seongwoo was wearing a white t-shirt with a red and black flannel and a black cap. He hadn’t thought about it, but it was completely Daniel’s trademark, not to mention two items were actually Daniel’s clothes that had gotten mixed up and left behind since they’d never had that ‘returning what’s you left at my place’ moment, being that Seongwoo had refused to meet or talk with him for a year. The accessories he had on were totally Daniel’s hip, b-boy, casual style that he preferred. That must have been why Vata complimented him. Actually, he was mocking him for being so obviously whipped. That was embarrassing.

Daniels intense, charismatic gaze was filling with desire by the second, making Seongwoo’s face increase in heat and his nerves boil like a chemical solution in a beaker over a hot blue flame.

“No, it suits you surprisingly well. You should wear my clothes often, especially this style. It’s ridiculously hot…”

Seongwoo bit his lip and gave his boyfriend a flirty look. Well, now he was officially horny and couldn’t keep this sweet mood going. He pulled Daniel down the hallway, not even bothering to remove his shoes in his haste. Daniel followed without resistance, an eager glint flashing in his eyes which burned like an inferno as he stared intently at his neck, thinking that he was going to bite and mark up the hell out of it like he had in the past, one of his favorite spots.

“Should I keep it on or take it off?”

“How about we remove everything but the top?”

“Sounds terrific.”

They rushed to the bed which was a couple meters away. Seongwoo tackled the strong, bigger younger to the surface like a football player, sitting on his lap. Daniel flung off the hat so he could bury his hands in the chestnut hair, yanking slightly. Seongwoo dipped down and stretched over the younger like a blanket, entangling their legs and running his hands over the firm pecks. Daniel charged up and kissed those parted, wavy, succulent lips in a frenzy while frantically tearing at the layer of checkered fabric that was rudely keeping that milky, flawless, smooth skin from his hands.

They were starving for each other now that their emotions peaked and the misunderstandings that needed to be cleared had been. In the back of their minds as they maimed that poor checkered shirt, they were vaguely recalling the good memory of one of their secret date moments where Daniel had been wearing an outfit exactly like the one that Seongwoo was being stripped of. 

**The rest of this nsfw content is up to your imagination because I want to keep this story fluffy and emotional ^^**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the happy ending sequel that I said I would make for this if news came out. Feels like February is a perfect time to drop it, though it's been in my workshop since end of last year. Hope that I made up for the broken hearts and tears at the end of the original story. Hang in there, Scientists! I'm sure that our submarine ship will surface someday this year! 
> 
> Reminder that this is a work of fiction completely, not a rumor/prediction sort of thing. I do have my own ideas about what happened with these boys and Daniel's relationship (truthfully it's very similar to this story), but I am not saying you need to believe it or doubt it. Because who really knows. We can't even trust the media and I'm sure things aren't always as even the companies say, there's always strange happenings occurring in the shadows of this industry. It's not a simple, pretty place but dark, complex, and ugly. Sometimes sacrifices are made because you gotta do what is necessary for your career. 
> 
> If you want to discuss ideas/theories about anything, come to my dm on twitter ^^ Just for fun, nothing serious. I'm open-minded. I just believe somewhat based on my observations and logic from over ten years following kpop/korean entertainment society. 
> 
> Okay, I feel better now that a lot of my personal ideas about that are out. That's cathartic. Just to get it out, other than my private messages. Who knows what happened, but fact of the matter is! Danity and shippers who still support Daniel whole-heartedly!! We have to put that bullshit behind us and try to forget it now that he's solo. 
> 
> Thankfully, he is free from the drama! (even if you support them as a pair, you have to admit that they both got ridiculous amounts of drama and sress from their personal life being made public) We don't need to have a connection to that company/stans/group etc, we don't need to stress about cleaning, reporting, rumors, and hopefully someday, neither will he have to. Although the degrading, accusations, jealousy, insulting and labeling from bitter/ignorant people still remains, over time it will get better I believe. He will have so many achievements and recognition that we will hardly see those kind of things and more people will come to his defense when they see that. 
> 
> We are on the right track. It will take time, but don't worry! The worst is past us. Things can only get better and they have from 2020. You have seen it I'm sure, how much better, happier he is, and how there's a lot more people talking about things they should like his music, charms, talents, etc. Let's be positive as he rises to fame globally and just ignore/silently take those people down.
> 
> Seongwoo too, don't worry so much about him. Naturally, he is a very private guy, not one to show off his friendships but he has MANY and they are long-lasting. Dunno why he only has anything public with Sungwoon BUT! i'm sure that he is close and in contact with all members. I bet they're still besties who prob talk for hours at a time when they get the chance and now even play games/watch movies together on days off ^^ 
> 
> Love you, Danity, Welo, and Scientists!! Stay healthy and happy this year as well!!! Hopefully we will see an end to covid and much more success/happiness for our boys and also a rise of the ongniel submarine!
> 
> <3 Raina


End file.
